I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
