ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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