Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
