i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she told me i tasted like america
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
