ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
