Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
