Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish you could order shots online.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
