GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
