I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
