Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
