Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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