I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
