you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
