I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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