weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and she was petting her beer can
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
