so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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