My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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