Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
birth control should be required to get into college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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