ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
