i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
