Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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