dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
