I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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