dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
