Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
