DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
