wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
