Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
