Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
