Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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