he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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