I just threw up on my dentist
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
