I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
