Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
