My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
