I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I smell stomach acid.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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