Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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