one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I believe in your delicious
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
