...so i touched it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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