Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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