I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
