maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
