Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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