he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
