Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
