guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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