My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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