As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize