Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just high enough for therapy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
