Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
