i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
