it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
