dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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