apparently the secret to your success is patron
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
