I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
