She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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