i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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