You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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