In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
