I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
