I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
