my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
