remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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