My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
