im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
