If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
