WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
