youre lurking in front of me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
