the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
