I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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