why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
