She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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