Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
