She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I want her autograph on my taint
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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