You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
