I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
