Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize