Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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